I can walk into a classroom and quickly identify the child in the room who is struggling.  Sometimes they hide it well, sometimes they avoid being noticed, but most often they simply look defeated.  I often see the defeated and worried look from children I evaluate especially if they are around 10 years old or older.  Without a word being spoken I can tell they are thinking, "Great, another person who will think I am stupid".  They might think "You're just like all the rest, you won't be able to help me either."   Some might even think "Not again, I took all these tests before and nothing got better."   It is unnerving to see such hopelessness and frustration in children and the parents who accompany them.

When I get those really tough kids, the ones who really want to tell me to go away, I usually ask what they like and don't like about school.  If I get anything in response it is either, "nothing" or "recess".  I always make sure to let them know up front that I will be asking them to do tasks that are extremely difficult.  There is no point in pretending that I'm not.  A good evaluator identifies the areas of weakness and then administers additional tests to determine exactly how weak the skill is and what other skills may be contributing to those weaknesses.  There is no point in pretending.  The child already knows that they are different from the person sitting next to them in the classroom.  I guarantee you that  he or she has concocted a reason much worse than the reality.  Even if we don't label it or we try and minimize it, the child lives with the frustration every day.  The moment that I acknowledge for the child that I know school is difficult and that my job is to find out why, I have won them over just a bit.  Then I proceed to give them possible reasons why school is difficult, none of those reasons have anything to do with a lack of intelligence or poor effort. In that moment I will see a glimmer of hope cross the child's face making the next few hours worth all the work on both our parts.

There are countless reasons why a child may not be performing at his or her potential.  The point of a comprehensive evaluation is to identify those reasons so that with the help of the child, his family, and his educational team we can devise a plan to promote success.  The kids that are the most grumpy and resistant when they enter the testing room on the first day are ALWAYS the kids I adore.  They are often the hardest working kids and most dedicated.  Once they have a taste of success and realize I can actually help them, my job is a breeze.  They take off and excel in all areas of their life.  They experience hope for the first time which breeds possibility.  They already know how to work hard and how to persevere, now they learn how to work efficiently playing to their strengths instead of their weaknesses getting in the way.  

So for all you out there feeling overwhelmed and discouraged remember.... "rejoice in our suffering, suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope"....Romans 5:3

When a child begins to struggle it is very difficult to identify the precise reason why.  Often times these children do not have cognitive deficits.  On the contrary, they have average to above average intelligence.  As wonderful as that strength is, it can make an accurate diagnosis challenging especially if the evaluator does not know how to assess and create a profile of strengths and weaknesses.  Many children with Dyslexia and related learning disabilities have an area of giftedness.  Upon first glance, the strength overshadows any weaknesses making it appear that a little more effort would result in success and more consistent performances in all areas.  This is not true.

Even though I do not have Dyslexia, I am well aware of how it feels to have a significant discrepancy in strengths and weaknesses as it relates to school performance.  I was very athletic as a child.  This was something that came very easy for me.  I can't explain how or why.  I simply know what to do when I am on the soccer field, softball diamond, or basketball court.  I know and react.  I excelled in sports and enjoyed the challenge and competition.  If I wanted to be better I simply practiced more or worked harder.  That was a simple equation for me.  Hard work equaled success.

The opposite was true when it came to classroom performance especially in early elementary school.  The professional me can look back and tell you exactly why I struggled but even at 39 years of age that is irrelevant to the part of me, the little girl in pigtails, that remembers exactly what it felt like to constantly be "in trouble" or often feeling as if I was missing something important.  I would LOVE to get my hands on one of my report cards.  A comment a principal made when I changed schools in 5th grade let me know there was very little written that was positive.

For me, everything came to a head in 5th grade.  We lived about 30 minutes away from school and my dad would often drive me to school.  Most days those drives were spent studying for my spelling tests.  No matter how much we studied my grades rarely reflected my effort.  This was very upsetting because the equation I relied on for success in sports was not accurate in the classroom.  No matter how hard I worked I rarely did well on spelling tests and I was always in the lowest reading group.  As the year progressed it became harder and harder to believe I wasn't a dumb jock.

A turning point in my life was when I actually did very well on a spelling test but instead of congratulations from my teacher I was accused of cheating.  That brief moment of feeling successful as a result of my hard work was quickly replaced with disappointment and dread.  My parents were called for a meeting and to say that meeting didn't go smoothly was a huge understatement.  Thankfully my parents believed and supported me but the damage was done. I hated going to school everyday.  Even all these years later all I have to do is think of that teacher or think of what it felt like to go to school every day and I am immediately filled with a sick feeling of failure.  The first memory from 5th grade that comes to mind was toward the end of that school year.  The reason the teacher took me into the hall is lost on me but the words she spoke will never be forgotten.  My teacher said, "Melissa you will never go to college and you will be lucky if you even graduate high school."  I was 10 years old and only had hope of playing basketball in college and being a part of the first professional women's basketball team.  (I hadn't quite accepted I was a bit vertically challenged.)

There is a part of me that wants to yell and scream at that teacher but then there is a part of me that wants to thank her and my family because those words are precisely what drives me today.  I went on to repeat that year in school but at a different school.  The teacher I had the following year changed my life simply because she didn't see failure, she saw possibility in me.  After the first 9 weeks I made honor roll for the first time but that would not be the last.  I not only graduated high school, but I graduated with one of the highest honors bestowed upon a graduate, St. Cecilia Girl.  Of all my accomplishments in life I think that is the one I am most proud of.  I went on to the University of Tennessee, Knoxville where I ran both cross country and track.  I was a co-captain for my junior and senior seasons on the cross country team and I was awarded Academic All-SEC several years in a row for both sports.

I graduated high school and college and pursued a Master of Arts in Speech Language Pathology.  I love to learn and will attend any and every professional development I can.  It took many years for me to embrace my academic success.  It's hard to quiet the doubt a teacher places in your mind.  Even while working on my masters I constantly second guessed myself and my knowledge.  Those experiences in my life damaged a little girl and had the potential to break her but those are precisely the experiences I use daily to connect with kids.  I know what it is like to have untapped potential that no matter your effort remains locked away.  All those qualities that got me 'in trouble' in school are the skills I use to help make children successful in school now.  So to those parents and children out there struggling and hurting, know that it is not to late to find success.  The path to that success may look a little different than the person beside you but it is all success just the same.  We are all given talents and we must learn to use them to be successful in spite of things that may be challenging.

When I arrived to work with one of my kids today she presented me with a letter/message to other kids with Dyslexia.  After our last session I had asked, "What would you tell another child who just found out they are Dyslexic?"  I was met with an "I don't know maybe tell them to come see you."  I was flattered by her comment of course but I was floored when she gave me her written message to other kids.  I wish I had thought to take a picture of it before she and I began organizing the information to give better shape to her ideas.  She had so many great things to say she just couldn't get all the thoughts written down and in order as quickly as she was thinking them, which is not uncommon for children with Dyslexia.  I was so proud she kept writing because when I assign other writing assignments I am lucky to get 2 sentences!  Since I didn't get a picture of what she wrote she did give me permission to type the finished product and share with you.  At the top of the page titled DYSLEXIA she had this picture which she said are stairs.  Then she added, "Learning to read and write is like going up a staircase, you have to take it one step at a time."  I hope you enjoy her story as much as I did.

When she left this evening she said, "I might write some more tonight."  I'm not only excited she is FINALLY willing to write but that she is proud to tell her story and KNOWS she is smart.  She said, "I may learn differently but I'm not stupid."  Greatest part of my work day.  I just had to share.